I have done a lot of stuff in the last couple of years, some I can recall, some I can't and a few I choose to forget. I have almost self diagnosed myself as in depression,(there are so many questionnaire online to trick you), I have imagined myself suffering from all life threatening diseases(from cancer to tumor to .......)I have imagined losing near ones every few days (death to kidnapping ), you name it, I have imagined it. Let's accept on a positive side that I have had a fertile imagination(I still do) because i refuse to allow the pessimist in me to rise again.
It enhanced post the birth of my second son( yes, you may congratulate me), when I chose to take a career break to raise him and settle the elder one in his first year at formal school. Now when you are away from adult companionship, you crave an intelligent conversation and in its absence, a smart phone becomes your BFF. This is a tricky situation when you start reading a lot online, believe me a it leads to my kind of mental state. As I read stuff written by others , somewhere I started believing all that happening with me, my thinking process became influenced by what i read . It's then I realised the true power of words, and that made me sure, I wanted to restart the blog.
Now, I have never written fiction, all my blogs are related to me and people around me, but here i was in a self diagnosed worst mental state. So topics that came up were ....depressing. I took help from family but nothing excited me. One fine day, while surfing on FB... yep that's also my obsession at times( I love feeling bad when looking at happy pictures- now that's a dark blog topic) - I came across a quote by Karan Johar - (something on the lines of - I feel young because I have surrounded myself with young, positive people ...their energy keeps me forever young. And the tubelight lit up - who has the best youngsters in the world around her - me, well my kids are under 5. So, what I thought was a reason for feeling low was actually my biggest strength. This is what happens when we start looking at things from others perspective all the time- A result of reading a lot online.
Now is the time to pick up , dust and read my book, write a blog, become a kid with my little ones, and live with a smile as life has given me a lot to be grateful for.
P.S -The process isn't easy and fast - but then love will find its way.
P.S 2 - My kids still manage to drive me crazy, one is sitting on the table eating chips and the other making his father dance on his tunes....
