She glares at me

There she is, sitting on my bedside stool;

Staring at me, calling me a fool.

She and I had a lifetime affair,

But now she says, I don’t care.

Her accusations have a lot of truth in them,

In chaos of life, my promises to her became a lie;

But does it look, as if she would cry?

No, but her eyes just reflect her disappointment in them.

She reminds me of days and nights ,

When we were inseparable;

The times when responsibilities had not 

Taken over the life’s loving preamble.

I wish I could tell her,

How my hands shiver just to touch her.

I remember, the excitement of picking her up,

Feeling that smoothness, and fragrance so unique.

I wish I could shout on the rooftop,

That I am in love with this -

Unopened, untouched often ignored

But always in my heart, part of my life.

But till I can, 

There lies my beloved book....

Glaring at me, 

Calling me a fool. 

I failed - miserably

I am a little upset with a lot of people and a few parenting websites. There has been an onslaught of activities to engage your kids to upskill them and make them enjoy this period albeit usefully. These include fire less cooking, hand-painting, singing, and what not. They tell you to follow a schedule, keep them busy, reduce their screen time, involve them in household chores and the list is endless. Did no one tell them - it’s lockdown period, no house help to lessen a lady’s burden, high probability time for home appliances to develop snags and please acknowledge that mothers are humans too...they need me time.

Despite all my misgivings, when the lockdown period started , armed with these sets of instructions , I started my mission - if those moms can do it, so can I. I picked up a planner ( I am a teacher, we love planners), made a schedule for my elder kid ( he is a grown up kid...all of four years 😁) and listens to.....no one. The younger one a little above 1, has high disregard to all my instructions. You see , my mission had too many hurdles.

So , I tried waking him up as per that schedule, because they said so, he told me to go away and slept again. So, I failed.

I tried giving him tasks as per my time table, because they said so, he ran away to play with his toys. So, I failed.

I tried to involve him in household chores - like putting away his toys, he simply ignored me and said he liked it that way. So, I failed.

Being a teacher , I sat down to analyse what went wrong and I realised -

1. My kid had an agenda of his own that included the following goals -

A. How to ignore my mother?

B. How to irritate my mother?

C. How to make my mother lose her temper (this is time bound task)?

D. How to make my mother pull her hair in frustration?

E. How to make my mother angry and still smile ?

His success rate was 100%.

2. For me I realised that these kids need their own space and pace to learn, enjoy and experience.

3. We have to allow them to get bored, only then they would look ways to channel their creativity and believe me they find ways and are great at role plays and make believes.

They need us to play with them, to talk to them, to make them feel what they are saying is important, leave them alone at times( keep a watch from distance), allow them screen time ( sue me, but I need my sanity). Staying at home all the time isn’t easy for them. 

Though is still try to involve him in an activity or two. At times I fail , sometimes I succeed. You see, the teacher in me won’t rest.

P.S -  To each mother on her own, you know your kid the best. Let’s enjoy this roller coaster ride called motherhood.

Aisa hota he

The combination of Indian movies and Mills & Boons is hazardous for the concept of marriage and romance in real life. We, the readers learn it the hard way. It awakens the fairy tale romantic notions of life , puts your expectations on a high pedestal and then you crash land.

The cherry on the top of this super awesome combo is that I am a 90’s kid ( ok, a few years older but I grew up in that decade) and we all listened to a staple diet of great songs  - lovely pop music era and singles by Lucky Ali, Shaan, Sony Nigam, Euphoria and so on. The lockdown gave me some time to turn back and listen to those songs again. One of my favourite’s is a song by Shaan and his sister Sagarika- Aisa hota he. A beautiful composition of poles apart siblings and their relationship . However while listening to it last night I realised, at this moment in my life, the words perfectly define the relation between my hubby and me . Aisa hota he.

We are truly poles apart in all our choices from hobbies to food, from dream vacations to how to spend a day at home. ( Mujhko pasand  Chinese khana and usko pasand chaat pakodi)

( Main padti hu books bahut  sari and usko pasand he loud music) - He wishes to be a DJ part time. 

I love watching Bollywood movies and he is still fascinated by roadies, no splitvilla...no big boss....no video games....pick any.

We are as different as can be and it brings out fights , frustrations, expectations and challenges on all occasions. At the same time these differences are the reason we are together because all this mayhem brings with it variety, spices, and experiences that fulfill the unknown blank spaces of our lives. 

He doesn’t read but listens to anything I have read ( not that I give him a choice to ignore me) 😉. I had no clue about a lot of gadgets but can listen to hours now about them ( as if I have a choice not to😔)

. 

We might fight /argue/ discuss on same points in circles for months for he never accepts he is wrong and i won’t stop till it is resolved. But these sessions also tell that we care enough to communicate. - Aisa hota he

I might not understand his fascination for wires but can live with it. He can’t understand mine with Shahrukh Khan’s movies but he has no choice other than to accept it. 

So dear husband the following lines are dedicated to you - 

Main tujhko, tu mujhko he pasand.

Par apni pasand alag he.

Main tere bin, tu mere bina 

Mushkil he akele jeena

Pyaar me in kabhi kabhi

Aisa hota he.

And before you or I pick up next point to argue/ discuss

” Tu right nai he Naina ( Atul), bas mujhse alag he.” 

-  Courtesy- Yeh Jawani he deewani

In love With My Life

My hair remain tangled ,

permanently in a messy bun.

Can’t recall the last time,

 they felt a comb run.

It’s crazy being me, 

ask my untamed locks.

Still in love with my life ,

It rocks.

My clothes remain unironed,

Piled up high in the ignored almirah.

Some old tops and a few faded lowers, 

Have become the dress of the season.

It’s maddening being me, 

Ask my designer dress.

Still in love with my life,

So what if it’s all mess.

My book lies unopened,

glaring at me, right next to my bed.

Cartoons, patterns and tracing,

Have become my latest interests.

It’s insane being me,

Ask the closed books and coffee mugs.

Still in love with my life,

Because of my cherubs.

I pull my hair numerous times a day, 

I shout and scream and then we play.

In between all the chaos, 

Their smiles shine like rays.

Still in love with my life,

Wouldn’t have it ,

Any other way.