I protest... As a mother of just sons

I have a protest to lodge, just not clear whom  should I approach. We have all kind of special days - mother's, father's, grandparents', daughter's, friends... But we completely missed out son's day. There is no special day to celebrate sons. 

Aren't they special? Or are we so much into daughter appeasement that we don't want to acknowledge being happy about having sons. Somehow, all the posts that we see on social media is about how special a daughter is, that sons have taken an exit from being even appreciated. I am daughter myself, at times I feel bad about my brother., because if you go by these posts, you feel only daughters care about parents, sons are pathetic souls having no emotions. So what if both are raised by same set of parents with same values. Something isn't right with this mindset, atleast not for me. 

By the way, daughter appeasement means we dealt with female child as secondary and now to overcome the centuries worth of guilt, we have started the trend of  appreciating the girl child to an extend  of feeling guilt if we express happiness of being mother of a boy child. I mean a child is a child and a mother's love is simply natural. So why is appreciating a girl child a trend and socially acceptable behaviour and celebrating a male child a sign of backwardness and looked down upon. 

I am mother of two, sons and love them to moon and back. To hell with any norm that makes me feel guilty of being a proud and happy mother of wonderful kids. 

P. S - I don't have high regards for any such days, coz relations are a part of everyday life and need to be celebrated everyday. It's just that this is also a bias. 

Thank you dear student… for my awaited dose of appreciation

 The day was full of people showing their appreciation , gratitude and love for their teachers. From our mothers to teachers to lecturers to colleagues and at times every person we meet teaches us something. My post isn’t about my appreciation for the teachers who have shaped me, I think if I become a good human being it will be a sign of my gratitude, I hope I make them proud. 

This is about a student I taught years ago, before my first kid was born, just for a few months. Then I had to leave for personal reasons, however on teacher’s day years back, this girl who had my number, sent me wishes. In between running through NICU as my son was there, the message brought a smile on my face. Somehow this girl , Ajinder, I won’t disclose much more than name, hasn’t lost my number and each year without fail I get her message. Each year that I haven’t taught, she reminds me the love of a student for the teachers and makes me proud of being one. Now, I am not consistent in sending my wishes, but this student of mine each year makes me feel that either I made a big impression on her or maybe the school teaches her this or maybe it’s her parents who have instilled these values in her. So to you Ajinder and to the person who encourages this small act of yours thank you. You make my year with your message, so much so, that it has become a yearly ritual for await your message.

Thank you for the lovely appreciation message I get from you every year, they have become a part of my yearly dose of positivity. God bless you and give you the best of the world. 

As I enter the Big 4’s

 As I slept Friday night, I was curious about how it would feel getting up in the morning. Would I feel any different? Will I be confident about myself more or feel disenchanted with the world around? Would people treat me differently? Maybe I will behave more maturely? With so many questions attacking  my subconscious, I had weird dreams, though I can’t recall what I saw? But what was so different about Friday, you see I had entered the Big 4’s finally in my life. We talk about “The Big 4’s “ , in professional world, the ultimate top 4 companies of the field we are in, so which company did I get into? That too in pandemic era? I am on break , professionally🤔 so?

The Big 4 do not refer to my professional commitments but my personal milestones….I reached my 40th birthday. Am I supposed to announce this to the world or act a lil feminine and be coy about my age ? But then that has never been me. The Saturday morning wasn’t any different, so I thought as the world talks about 40s being the new 20’s, maybe it will hit me in a while. So I went through my daily tasks, awaiting that burst of maturity, wisdom and energy  to make me feel rejuvenated , it is Sunday evening now and I am still awaiting it….I guess I move slow😜.

But the last 2 or maybe more days have made me realise, it isn’t about hitting a mark in your life whether in terms of age or professional milestones, your being happy depends on just you. I think we need to work on definition of being successful on the way as half the frustrations arise from others  definition of success…your success.  We need to stop making others responsible for making us happy. Be your own favourite person , it isn’t easy but then when did life say that it was easy. I thought being 40, would make me feel more powerful and aware about myself, the only thing it has done is that now I am not conscious about announcing my age to the world. So I guess I have taken step 1 of liberalisation from norms. 

Maybe rest of things that I read in one of the numerous silly “ hitting 40’s” articles will follow and I can see a new me, and maybe my blogs would make more sense to me and everyone. 

Till then happy discovering yourself.

My latest fascination - The werewolves 😎

 Yes, the title is absolutely true. My latest fascination is Werewolves….as in novels aka love stories of werewolves uploaded on free reading websites…like goodnovel.com , dreame.com, webnovel.com, read me apps and so on. To give a little background information - i have fickle fascination drive - initially it was thrillers, then mythological thrillers( I still love them, but Amish Tripathi isn’t coming out with book 4 of Ramayan series), then I watched entire series of GOT…in a month, I moved on everything related to vampires on Amazon prime from The Vampire diaries to Originals to Legacies…(Ah, nothing compares to persona of Klaus Michaelson - dreamy eyes included). Then I got bored of vampires…I mean for long could I digest their drinking blood and killing people like kicking balls… 

Then , enters my new fascination- Facebook had this link from Goodnovel.com, about a love story, normally I avoid them because I hate spending money on online reads - I am a little old school when it comes to reading, smell of books is the best one. So coming back to that link , I read it…liked it they offered me few free coins to unlock few more chapters and then some more to login , read and add books to my list. I said let’s see and started. Here enters the Werewolf - fantasy enough to be away from real world, not gross like vampires exception to tearing clothes while shifting. (There is no werewolf  in India at least I haven’t read one - they belong to gore folk stories here). And I started reading one, now these people are smart, after few free pages, they ask you to top up or come the next day for free coins. Now to pass time , I started reading another - I got free coins if I read for 30 minutes everyday. My library of half read books started increasing and the first love story that brought me here was lost in this crowd. I was hooked onto these fantasy novels. 

Facebook, I tell  you is a detective because now I started getting ads of all free reading websites. So I started reading from another website , same story here for coins and all, then another, so now I have accounts on 4 different reading sites, about 40 plus books in various stages of reading ( not including the ones I deleted from my list) and all of them about werewolves. My latest vocabulary is mates, bond, shifting, moon goddess, alpha, Luna, beta, gamma, omega etc…I dream in these words, my husband is completely clueless. I can read through hours, lost in that world because maybe the real world isn’t that great right now. It’s a good way to forget the nonsense served by news channels. So till next fascination arrives it’s me and my werewolves….ready to read the next one when my kids take nap. FYI I don’t have a problem if I am not able to reach the end of any novel, you see I am a veteran mills and boons reader, I can make my own ending and be happy about them.

Don’t blame me for these weird fascinations, I blame Dan Brown, Amish Tripathi and all for not giving us books on time😔😞. So these werewolves flicks will serve the time. Don’t suggest nice realistic options to read better stuff - I am surrounded by kids stories,  cartoons, poems and games the whole day. I can only read light stuff.

P.S - I have a whole collection of really good real,  classics but they need time to read with due respect to the stories and at the moment time is a thing I can’t spare - hence werewolves here I come.

My kid refuses to talk in English…and I am ok with that

 Let me clear one thing before I start, I am an English language teacher,( a good one as per me😜) and hence people assume my kids would be experts in the language whether spoken or written. Leave people aside, even I thought I will make my kids super experts in the language I teach my students, as I will start early with them. 

My son , elder one is a calm though determined character, a Spider-Man in making. I started with poems early with him, but then he is a bit like me - he refused to follow my instructions, the dad bit in him became expert in handling phone and remote, he would change channels. I would sit there completely clueless whether to be upset about it, or smile at his antics of talking in language of whichever cartoon he was following. He never stuck to one for long. 

He is nearly six now, I am the only relaxed person at home, in view of his disinterest in talking in English consciously. Though I have observed he does talk unconsciously a lot in English  when he knows no one is paying attention.( but then a teacher’s ears are very sharp). I have realised that I can’t force this kid , you see he has picked up words like…”TABAH” and “BARBAAD” , the first time I heard them I laughed like crazy and said,” don’t kill me son,  your mom is a teacher,”, abashed he replied, “ main sab tehes nehas kar dunga”. I left the room before suffering my first heart attack.

To be honest, I am not worried about his lack of interest , my focus is that he learns to express ( which him being less talkative is a task in itself) which is the first goal of any language. I would rather he express, the language is secondary. He will learn, and I will be there to guide him. And believe me , he will do well after all he is my kid🤣. Till then, I am scared to know that which next word will he pick from his latest cartoon, currently junior Singham.

Just to add, my younger one is a step ahead, he refuses to speak if he can explain with sounds, gestures or just one word. But he repeats whatever his elder brother says. So imagine what he will learn.

P.S - let your kid speak, no matter what language because that more important. And enjoy the words they learn, and surprise or shock you with….

Spider-Man Diaries - chapter 1

  I have been living with Spider-Man stuff for years now, my son is a real big fan of this superhero…. 

So much so that we have everything from bed sheets to bottles to pencils to T-shirts to kids scooter and oh even undies for him with Spider-Man or his logo….the boy had a crazy phase that is still on …

We have these crazy Spider-Man talks ….wherein at times he talks logically but at times the lil kid comes out who just loves his superhero madly. In one such session he asked me…”mumma who is your favourite superhero?” I automatically said “Superman”….He asked me if I could show him some videos….you see superman isn’t that visible alongside Hulk, Ironman etc - the current favourites…

So I showed him one , he saw it and said…he is good but my Spider-Man is better….( His Spider-Man….did he buy the rights?🙄) and stupidly I asked him why? He said innocently…He has webs….Superman ke pass kya he….( I wish I could have said…my teenage dreamy eyes 😋). I said yes , you are right and went back to my work. 

Then suddenly he comes up and says….” I am not happy mumma”, I panicked coz he is a calm child, rarely throwing tantrums so I leave my work, sit with him and ask with all love in my voice…” Why , son?” . He says “ I am trying for a long time, but my webs aren’t coming out”. I stared at him blankly…he said ‘“ Uff, mumma , I told you na I wanted to become Spider-Man when I grow up, so I was practising but web nai nikal rahe”. 

I didn’t know how to reply….still clueless…and he is still bent on becoming Spider-Man when he grows up.

P.S - will be updating new chapter of Spider-Man saga in future…as when something interesting is discussed.

A tale of 5 kids

Kids become epicenter of your house from the moment they are born. They form their own bonds, own ways of communication and a connection with the people around especially other kids. 

At the moment life has become a little monotonous, meeting friends and relatives seems like dream that we hope will true soon. It’s the kids who are missing socialising the most and learning from peers and elders and even younger cousins. Now I am not writing a mental health blog, leaving that to experts.  I am writing what I have realised over last few weeks, my kids have their own special connection with their cousins, it’s kinda sneak peek into some golden memories.

Both my kids were pre mature, that hasn’t stopped them from creating havoc around, so take off that look from your face. So when my elder kid (A) was born and brought home a few weeks later, his elder cousin sister (M)became a fierce protector, “  don’t touch him without sanitising your hand,”, she would seriously tell to everyone no matter what age and relation. She is still that protective and my kid A is a great fan of hers, he would listen and follow all instructions if you just let him know that didi said so. Love you M.

Oh I forgot about the eldest cousin brother (C), a typical teenager, showed off he doesn’t care, but would keep an eye out for A whenever I would step out. I knew that and smiled a lot. He is a great kid. He loves teasing A, so much but then maybe A senses his love and care and follows him around. He knows you love him, so no need to hide behind I don’t care persona C, we love you you too.

Next was the first younger cousin A saw, (B.) He fell in love with that small bundle and wanted him to start playing with him. We had to pull him away from him. Then they grew up and became frenemy. They would miss each other a lot, meet play together like Ram Lakhan for exactly 40 minutes and then world war. Thankfully things have improved. But we love you B, because you love him.

Now enters the hero, my younger kid , Y. And believe me he is the boss. And he knows that. He thinks he owns the world and everybody is here to love and pamper him. This is true because all his brother and sister love him. We aren’t as elders allowed to scold him, specially  around B. So secure in that protection, he is a happy kid. He does not understand everything they say, but the way he responds to them is so beautiful to watch.

You should their smiles when they now video chat, the way the ask when can we meet again? It’s lovely to see them jumping when they see each other, when they go through old photos of being with them. Oh god keep their bond like this only.

That’s the lovely kid group around my kids, keeping them safe, loved and grounded.

They have lovely connections with other second cousins too, let’s keep that for another time.

Bless you all. Stay safe and healthy.

Just because....

Just because I refuse to play victim,

Don't cast me as a vamp.

Just because I am not shedding tears,
Don't think smiling has been easy.

Just because I didn't hold on,
Don't think letting go was a cakewalk.

Just because I didn't break down,
Don't assume I am made of stone.

Just because I don't share my feelings,
Don't whisper I am heartless.

Just because I am surviving it all,
Don't say it was my choice.

Asal se pyara sood... Does it work on younger brother too?

Age old saying " Asal se pyara sood", roughly translated - you love the grandchildren more than the children. Adding to same, younger sibling is almost your child, pay attention to it bhai. (Albeit you feel like killing them almost every day in your teenage years). I was thinking about it lately, so is the extra love waali feeling true for the kids of your younger brother too( for the ones who have younger sisters , read sister) ? I fell in love with my brother at first sight on the day he was born, bachho ko samajh kahan hoti he- i didn’t know what an irritating fellow he would turn out to be when he grows up. ( hence, the murderous streak in me). 

Four years to the day, he and his wife were blessed with a baby boy. A cute lil cherub, with face almost like his dad but the disposition of his mom ,hopefully. I fell in love again with his baby on the day he was born. I saw my son doing the same. I rejoiced in their bond that has extended to now troublesome three Musketeers at home. This lil boy, made me live my brother’s childhood again, you see we all have tendencies to draw similarities between kids and parents. And I loved reminiscing those times when I could love my brother unconditionally 😜, before his irritating teens started. I waited for his first words, first steps, first kiss and hugs, I was scared for him on his first day of school, I prided on each of his achievements ( though credit lies with his mom mostly). It was almost like having three babies myself.

I fell in love with his smile, the way he says haanji, the way his eyes reflect his naughtiness, the way he is ready to dance the moment music starts, I mostly love the way he stands up for what he wants. My love for him is  - just love, I see him and I smile. So on this day, my darling Shaurya Aneja, Happy Birthday....Bua loves you.

P.S.   - Bhai , I feel title is true, forget about murder intentions, I can’t even see his tears. Asal se pyaar sood.

The moments that make me hate my city......Saddi Dilli

 I am hardcore Delhiite , in love with my city with all its pros and cons. It makes me feel alive by just being here. What’s there not to love here - great people ( writer included), awesome food, all types of weathers, wide roads , great education institutions, lovely shopping avenues to satisfy all types of shopaholics. I can go on and on about Delhi ...ye city dil mein samajh  aati he...If you use your minds you can easily hate it...but then even the name Dilli has dil...aka heart in it.

Even so twice a year, I hate the city like anything, this feeling has intensified over last few years. Let me clarify , I don’t hate the city because of -

• It’s pollution issues
• Dengue, chickenguniea, swine flu scares
• It serves as dharna point to all and everyone 
• Roads are choked at peak hours
• Schools at time charge too high
• People are too loud
• Anger lies even in our nails..(phew  ☹️what an expression) 
• Stray dogs that are never sterilised
• Illegal constructions that change the areas...and many more

No , my hatred is something fundamental, it stems from a quality that everyone loves the most about the city- the luxury of having 4 seasons  in Dilli...Delhi.  I hate the fact that each time summer changes to winters...and vice versa, We go through the harrowing task of opening trunks and taking out season appropriate clothes, blankets, sweaters, shirts, jackets, lowers,....and so on and put the non required ones in storage. Now the ones who do the task ,read women ,understand what I mean. It’s a completely mind boggling and tiring and boring chore. And on top of it we have to do it twice a year, because saddi Dilli enjoys great summers and great winters😡. Use poncho jo ye sab karate he, I dislike the task.

Now the whole exercise has become even more cumbersome in last few years... due to my little ones, these boys have bundles of clothes, that need to neatly packed , stored at a place that is easily accessible , properly divided into sections of new, home clothes, night clothes, small size, to be given away - bags. Add to it ...two cherubs who think their mommy is emptying trunks for them to sit in and the clothes are all together to be spread on the floor and make waves or weapons with . The whole exercise takes a totally different connotation, one where at times a day’s task stretches to weeks and my body as well as mind just about give up. 

So Delhi...meri Dilli - I love your weathers but I hate this store and reopen exercise, it’s like two semester system.  Kuch to  karo,  because the task in on at the moment and I am lost in the sea of clothes.

The kids are finally taking the afternoon nap, maybe I can complete a major portion of the task, wish me luck .

What do women want .......a wife?

 A question that is asked across continents and ages...men unable to find answer or maybe not wanting to find an answer...to the simplest and most basic question ever....What do women want?  Let me start with the famous line ... ‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, ..which is utter nonsense as it promotes the notion that men and women want different things, what we forget is the underlying similarity between men and women ...that both are humans thereby basic needs remain same.

Now, I am not going to be all philosophical in the blog but I have realised that what women want is something that can not be bought but is available to most men throughout life.....what women want is simply a wife.... . ( I am neither promoting same sex relationship nor am against it ...to each his/ her own way of living). I meant the concept of wife .... just think of the ways wives makes life easy for men around the world. She takes away the mundane, boring routine tasks from her husband and gives him interesting tasks at home and also gives him due credit , sometimes even on social networks , for helping to manage things at his own house. Can you imagine a husband writing a thank you note for the wife earning to share expenditures of home every month ? But that’s what a wife does normally when the hubby cooks or cleans... . You see , even I have tasks divided in my patriarchal mindset...household for women and earning for men. 

Doing same tasks everyday gets on our nerves, reduces creativity and makes us irritable. How I wish someone could take over tasks like doing laundry, picking up kids toys and placing them at right place, arrange their cupboards and school stuff and other numerous non ending household chores,  so that I am left with energy and mindset to play and dance with kids... something my husband finds time for. A mother is left with cleaning the mess and arranging basic needs and a father becomes a hero because he can make kids enjoy. A woman easily becomes tired, boring and a joy killer. So, I am pretty sure that a woman needs a .....wife - someone she can rely on. Someone whose presence ensures that home front runs smoothly, someone who doesn’t make her feel guilty of having me time or time with friends sometimes, someone who is there for her to take care of her when she is tired, sick or moody like a wife does for husband. So basically she needs a person who takes away her worries and makes her feel she can do what she wants without being boggled by taking burdens of house chores alone. What a woman does often remains unnoticed because it’s a part of everyday household tasks, nothing visibly different, so she doesn’t get that appreciation which makes her feel unloved, so a woman needs a wife to feel loved, appreciated and acknowledged because let’s be honest - husband forget and never say the right words.

So dear world, don’t just give her freedom to pursue her dreams, give her a guilt free environment to enjoy her life ... give her the feeling that her world that is her house wouldn’t crumble if she enjoys being sometimes. No woman comes stamped with expertise in doing household tasks, she learns because ther is no one to do them, no one to share those burdens on a regular basis. Be that man and see her smile all day. Be her wife sometimes, she will be yours truly with whole heart and a smile as long as a mile.

P. S - I discussed the viewpoint with my husband long time back...so no surprises for him.

P. S 2 - He didn’t agree with my viewpoint....but I still wrote about it....I guess because we are different....like magnet and iron....it keeps us together.

Yes, I am a mother and I love my kids differently.

The post is my personal view not a general statement on mothers, though I feel most would agree even if not openly 😜.

We grow up hearing that a mother’s love for all her kids is same. And still, we all at one instance or other have teased our siblings about the fact that ‘our mother loves me the most’. I always thought - do even mothers have their favourite child ?- a child she loves the most. And, I assumed logically it’s very much possible. After all, a painter has a favourite painting , a poet has a favourite poem, so what’s wrong if a mother has a favourite child.

Now life jumps a few years, I had my first child and realised I can’t love anyone like I love him. The love that you have for the first child consumes all other emotions. Your world changes, you change and perspectives change. The definition of milestones change, hence I realised that I was right and told my younger brother that now being a mother, I can say that mom loves me the most. ( loved his sad face 🤪).

Time leap - another 3 years, now I am mother of two. I asked myself the same question again - Do I love both my kids the same way?  The answer is - NO, I don’t.  I love them differently. Before you start shaking your heads , I never said I love one less than the other. It’s just that I love them differently because both are different personalities, they came into my life at different points, they made me realise different things about life and touch different chords in my heart. But together or even separately  the chords produced only one tune - love ,which was pure and innocent.

When my first kid was born, I became a control freak, special washing powder, gels, oils, utensils, 4-5 cloth changing sessions in day, clicking photos for everything, paranoid about people touching him, possessive , concerned about even a slight sneeze , first time mothers have it difficult specially in age of ‘google’ baba... I took his each achievement of milestone as personal victory. Then I had my second child, but I found that the control freak in me  wasn’t there, I simply sat there and enjoyed his antics, was calm about his little illnesses. Believe me it was strange because while my elder one gave me no stress , the younger one lets the whole world know that his demands are being ignored at home. 

So, yes I love them both differently but equally. To be honest , my eldest son is my pride and my younger son - my joy. One gave me the greatest feeling in the world , the other taught me to savour that feeling. One made me a mother and the other a referee 🤪. 

To both my sons - I love you both and can’t imagine life without you .( Though, I wouldn’t mind some time off every few days.)

I have no wish to rewind my life

 I was talking to a friend a few days back, in the course of conversation reminiscing old times, my friend asked, “ Hey, how I wish we could go back a decade and relive our lives”. I probably didn’t respond as enthusiastically as expected, because isn’t it an ultimate sign of ‘middle’ age approaching that we want to relive our golden days. Before you conclude that my lack of enthusiasm meant that I consider myself eternally young or my current life is perfect, sorry to burst the bubble. 

I believe in destiny, that things happen in our lives happen for a reason, you have to go through your share of trials and heartbreaks to realise your true self. The last decade or so, was my trial period. I have gone through it, came out victorious, maybe my aspirations changed, but my experiences taught me a lot. There were moments of utmost happiness with periods of despair equally dispersed. I went through it all, and there is no way I am ready to relive it again, even in my worst nightmare, forget about wishing to roll back a few years of life.

Now, this doesn’t mean that life was bad, but just that I can remember  the good times by talking, looking at pictures/videos or just by closing my eyes. At the moment, life is so full of new things , that I ask myself - why to go through the same emotions and experiences again? So with the old part of life done and taken care of, I look forward to new experiences, new adventures, new heights and maybe new lows, but sorry my friend, get another on board if you wish to turn back life a few years.

So, here to life to come...welcome because I am ready.