Flaying Dragons of 2010

I feel like being serious today, a little retrospective about the year that is so near to its end. 2010, has been a strange year which brought lots of joys, sorrows, tears and smiles in abundance for me. It has slowly but steadily changed my perspective about a lot of issues including me.

Today, I wish to slay all the fears that have troubled me and stopped me from moving ahead in life both professionally and personally. A few months ago I read on one of the zodiac websites for myself “You would not realize now, but the year is changing you and in a few months you would see how deep these subtle changes are.” Looking back now, I feel how true it was. I never realized but the changes were happening but so subtly that they weren’t visible to me. What has made me write this post today ? – I couldn’t sleep last night and the whole year back flashed like a movie(but not black and white) urging me to vent out what I realized after a sleepless night.

The year saw me facing my innermost fears head on, especially where I felt I would definitely fail. Surprisingly, I came out as winner a little changed, but I won. There were times I thought it was leading me nowhere, when my friends questioned my sanity and my family could not see logic behind my actions – but something kept prodding me “ Rachita do it, else it would haunt you all through your life.” (You all know what I mean). Some of those decisions hurt at that moment but made me a stronger person. 2010, thus has been a year of facing myself, of finding that inner core to see me through the lows and the vivacity to enjoy the highs. It’s been a year of valleys and mountains. I have cried buckets for obvious reasons and laughed like crazy for no reason and now that the year is near its end , I am tired, very tired. Especially today, the emotional part of me feels that year is over, nothing more left to handle – I have flayed all the dragons in that region. And, emerged out in one piece with a better understanding of relations, relationships and friends.

I have to plan a lot, as many things were left aside while I was going through this life changing year - 2010. Last night brought out all those buried ideas with a deeper fire to get what I want. I think that the only thing that stops you from getting what you really want is you, so If I want it, I will get it else, I will find so many reasons to let go. I have to end the year with planning but no resolutions coz I love to break them (waada to toot jaata he). I believe - Never say Good bye with a tear or hiding your face coz that would be you last memory. Face it head held high and a smile (you never know who is falling in love with that smile).

BTW (I mean “by the way” and not Bitto Tikki Wala) I wrote this post today instead of 31st December, as I want to say goodbye to 2010 with a smile. So wait for the last post of the year.

Why Should I?

It took me years to become, What I am !

Now everyone I meet, wants me to change;

Just a little bit , But then

Why Should I?

I will be lazy and gossip a lot, if I want;

I will shout and scream & be a little mean;

It's hard work being, what I am;

Still, they ask me to change,

Why Should I?

I will laugh and crack jokes the whole day,

Life gave me the choice: Smile or cry,

I chose the former, and I really try;

Still, People ask me to change,

 Why should I?

Fight your own battles but leave me alone,

I have no wish to become your clone;

I am happy being me;

Still, you want me to change,

Why should I?

My CP Connection

 I have lots of memories associated with CP – happy, sad, painful, and sweet. Oh, by the way CP stands for Connaught Place and inspite of the fact that it is Rajiv Chowk for decades in official records; it remains CP in the hearts and memories of the people. This is called Connection - Dil se.

• This place has given me one of my sweetest friends – Ridhima.

• It houses Bercos, one of the most frequented places of my group so much so that we were almost tempted to call it USMSos.

• I rarely get any shopping done from here though it is called Shoppers Heaven.

• Great book shops both big and roadside and I can go on and on…

Still, I can’t understand my painful association of late with CP. Every time I visit the place I hurt myself. And I would have actually been laughing at these incidents, had it been happening to anyone else, other than me. This connection goes back a few summers, in 2007 to be exact. I still remember that trip, when Ridhima , Arun and I went to CP. After our regular round of the Inner Circle, we went to British Council coz the agenda of the trip was to get the membership of the British Council Library. On our way back to the Metro Station, joking and pulling legs, this was one of our normal outings when suddenly my right leg went down... into a mound of leaves. Instead of finding ground beneath it , it found a pit!!! Thank God, for Jeans and Sports shoes (which still bear the scars of the incident), the impact lessened. But, still I had to bear the pain and limped for about 3 weeks…..coz the stupid pit was actually an uncovered sever hole beautified naturally by fallen leaves. And, its edges had almost scratched my right leg ,from knee down.

And this incident was just the beginning, and for the last 3 .5 years everytime I go to CP, I get a new painful experience to add to my list – a twisted ankle, a fall, broken nail, and so on. So much happens in CP, each time I visit the place.

The latest in the series happened last weekend, this time I actually spent 5 hours there without any incident. And, thought that maybe I have finally broken the Jinx. Ah! my poor optimistic spirit was in for a shock. How? I was walking down the stairs of the Metro Station , wearing about 2-3 inch heels(do not question my heels) which were clicking loudly. I got distracted and started thinking how to walk in a manner that can reduce this noise. And Whoosh…..My cell phone in hand and my right foot lost its footing…. The saving grace was that I was holding railing that saved me from falling on my face. But impact when I stopped myself from actually falling caused severe jerk to right side. And it is still hurting. Plus, my ego went for a toss in front of all the people around.

Can someone please explain -  What has CP got against my right leg?

Break Free

There are times when we all feel a little depressesd and low. When nothing goes right and everything is going the wrong way. I just penned down a few lines when I was in the most depressed mood. Just don't ask why.

Break Free

I feel so tied, shackled & deprived;

It's darkness all around,

Dark emotions are abound

Oh God! I'm becoming a freak,

Let me fly, I wanna Break Free!

Aspirations, Expectations, Targets,

Goals , Dreams & Focus all set;

Everything now feels like a trap,

Let me fly, I wanna Break Free!

I don't want this, but can't say NO

People around are changing my course;

It's a mad house, when will this cease,

Let me fly, I wanna Break Free!

What's Your Raashi?

A Flop Movie but a Superhit Question - "What your Raashi/Zodiac Sign?"

This is something we ask very commonly to the new people we meet. I can vouch for the gals , can't say for sure if the boys do the same. The discussions on zodiac signs, their qualities, their weaknesses is a common theme everywhere from schools to workplace to parties. Thank God, Linda Goodman wrote Sun Signs, Love Signs, Relationship Signs and so on to give us so many avenues of discussions. I have read the first two so many times that I am thoroughly confused about signs and often end up mixing the qualities and then justifying myself in discussions.

There are times when we project ourselves just like our zodiac sign qualities, it says a cancer girl should be an introvert, so I stay quiet in the gatherings. One starts projecting the image as described by these signs and take up the eccentricities associated with them to feel a part of the group/sign. Even more dangerous situation is, when we start creating an image of a person based on his/her zodiac sign. Oh, she is a idealist...after all she is a Piscean or his eyes are so hypnotic because he is a Scorpion. The person may or may not have those qualities but we push, kick and fit them to their respective qualities.

We end up playing this guessing game about Zodiac Signs – a common conversation:

A: Oh what’s your Zodiac Sign?
B: Can you guess?
A: I think you must be a Leo coz you have the leadership qualities.
B: No
A: Ok you could be Aries coz you are so out going types …
B: No one last try-
A: You must be…….
If we guessed right we feel well informed and well read and if by chance we are not – we sheepishly mumble – “You must be an exception”.

I do not mean to say that these signs are all false, but they are meant to give us a broad framework to understand a person. The problem occurs when we convert this framework into concrete guidelines. To colour your judgment and perception of a person just on the basis of his/her zodiac sign is not only a foolish thing to do but also a very dangerous habit. And one time or the other we all do it. Lots of time we say – I can't get along with this person because he/she, is of a zodiac sign, I never get along with. Thereby, letting go of an opportunity to understand the person. 
 

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata he….Am I also unknowingly but deliberately picking up the qualities that go with my Zodiac “ Cancer”? Do I sometimes behave the way it says a typical Cancerian should? Or Am I trying to be something I am actually not just to satisfy the parameters of a group I am supposed to a part of – My Zodiac Sign. Is it just me or do you also feel the same?Still, I check the Daily Horoscope the first thing in the morning but believe it only if it says all positive things about my Zodiac Sign.

P.S: I met this outgoing gal in the mall last Weekend, very confident and stylish- I think She must be a Leo or a Scorpion, what is your call?