Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Maa - You define Love

One word Maa, Mom, Mummy, Amma, describes all love in this world. This is one relation most difficult to define, closest to heart and the oldest in our lifetime coz it starts even before you are born. Hence, I am not even going to try to express this relation - My Maa and me .This post is just the tip of the iceberg. The first word a child speaks is " Ma" and hers the first touch,  he/she recognises. The feelings in the post may be shared with almost everybody reading it coz loving maa is not a right and privilege enjoyed just by me. We all love our mothers.


My Maa - My Strength , My Silent Pillar of Support, My Unending Source of Inspiration , My Biggest Supporter... Maa is Maa. She knows me the best but never lets it out that she has caught me lying, waiting for me to confess. My mother - the lady who is the rock of the whole family inspite of her soft and fragile appearance. My Maa - who would never let me rest when she knew I could achieve more, making those endless cups of tea, mouthwatering snacks, my favourite dishes and anything to ensure that my concentration never wavers. Meri Maa - would listen patiently when I would crib about people and let me vent out my frustrations and once over , would sweetly ask me- " This is the problem....now what is your solution to it" . During my school days she would read my books(she used to buy an extra set) when I was at school so that she could understand when I talked about school and help me with my homework. She was my first teacher and the best too. Whatever I am today , I owe it to her and Dad.


I remember those teenage years when I fought a lot with her over anything and everything. Each shopping trip would end up in a fight coz what I wanted she didn't like. Most of the things which she rejected but I still bought(Mere Papa the Great) ended up in the trunk after wearing it 1-2 times coz I actually didn't like them. Buying them was my show of rebellion to her discipline.  And Maa knowing me well, knew the fate of those dresses. After one such trip, Maa made a habit of not allowing Dad and me to shop alone and takes away our wallets on shopping trips. Years have taught me a lot - now I blindly trust her decisions specially when shopping and never has it happened that I have regretted her decision. Infact she has a lot better and bolder choice than mine.


Maa and I are very different from each other , we aren't a filmi maa beti jodi - where the daughter is the "chayya" of her mother. Maa never wanted me to be like her, she wanted me to be like "ME" - different , unique , confident and happy. She is very patient and I want instant results. She gives people a lot of chances and I believe - do not give a person the second opportunity, to hurt you. She loves getting up early and I love late nights (all of them at home). She is an observer and I participate. She is a great cook and I am in learning phase. She is all white and I have shades of grey. But she loves me and I love her. (Actually I am a very lovable person). Her trust in me in unbelievable - even I do not trust myself that much - no amount of nonsense and story telling shakes her faith in her kids (but she isn't blind to our faults).


For My Maa - You have stood by me at my worst and stood aside when I was basking in the glory of my success. You have defended me like a tigress when someone questioned me and still stood silent when I shouted angrily in our fights. You have allowed me to go out with friends happily without questioning and been my companion when there was nobody. You have smiling borne my moods, nakhras and nautankis and still taught me to nurture relations.

You define Love, Maa. And  I love You.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Flaying Dragons of 2010

I feel like being serious today, a little retrospective about the year that is so near to its end. 2010, has been a strange year which brought lots of joys, sorrows, tears and smiles in abundance for me. It has slowly but steadily changed my perspective about a lot of issues including me.

Today, I wish to slay all the fears that have troubled me and stopped me from moving ahead in life both professionally and personally. A few months ago I read on one of the zodiac websites for myself “You would not realize now, but the year is changing you and in a few months you would see how deep these subtle changes are.” Looking back now, I feel how true it was. I never realized but the changes were happening but so subtly that they weren’t visible to me. What has made me write this post today ? – I couldn’t sleep last night and the whole year back flashed like a movie(but not black and white) urging me to vent out what I realized after a sleepless night.

The year saw me facing my innermost fears head on, especially where I felt I would definitely fail. Surprisingly, I came out as winner a little changed, but I won. There were times I thought it was leading me nowhere, when my friends questioned my sanity and my family could not see logic behind my actions – but something kept prodding me “ Rachita do it, else it would haunt you all through your life.” (You all know what I mean). Some of those decisions hurt at that moment but made me a stronger person. 2010, thus has been a year of facing myself, of finding that inner core to see me through the lows and the vivacity to enjoy the highs. It’s been a year of valleys and mountains. I have cried buckets for obvious reasons and laughed like crazy for no reason and now that the year is near its end , I am tired, very tired. Especially today, the emotional part of me feels that year is over, nothing more left to handle – I have flayed all the dragons in that region. And, emerged out in one piece with a better understanding of relations, relationships and friends.

I have to plan a lot, as many things were left aside while I was going through this life changing year - 2010. Last night brought out all those buried ideas with a deeper fire to get what I want. I think that the only thing that stops you from getting what you really want is you, so If I want it, I will get it else, I will find so many reasons to let go. I have to end the year with planning but no resolutions coz I love to break them (waada to toot jaata he). I believe - Never say Good bye with a tear or hiding your face coz that would be you last memory. Face it head held high and a smile (you never know who is falling in love with that smile).


BTW (I mean “by the way” and not Bitto Tikki Wala) I wrote this post today instead of 31st December, as I want to say goodbye to 2010 with a smile. So wait for the last post of the year.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Why Should I?

It took me years to become, What I am !

Now everyone I meet, wants me to change;

Just a little bit , But then

Why Should I?


I will be lazy and gossip a lot, if I want;

I will shout and scream & be a little mean;

It's hard work being, what I am;

Still, they ask me to change,

Why Should I?


I will laugh and crack jokes the whole day,

Life gave me the choice: Smile or cry,

I chose the former, and I really try;

Still, People ask me to change,

 Why should I?


Fight your own battles but leave me alone,

I have no wish to become your clone;

I am happy being me;

Still, you want me to change,

Why should I?

Thursday, December 16, 2010

My CP Connection

 I have lots of memories associated with CP – happy, sad, painful, and sweet. Oh, by the way CP stands for Connaught Place and inspite of the fact that it is Rajiv Chowk for decades in official records; it remains CP in the hearts and memories of the people. This is called Connection - Dil se.

• This place has given me one of my sweetest friends – Ridhima.

• It houses Bercos, one of the most frequented places of my group so much so that we were almost tempted to call it USMSos.

• I rarely get any shopping done from here though it is called Shoppers Heaven.

• Great book shops both big and roadside and I can go on and on…

Still, I can’t understand my painful association of late with CP. Every time I visit the place I hurt myself. And I would have actually been laughing at these incidents, had it been happening to anyone else, other than me. This connection goes back a few summers, in 2007 to be exact. I still remember that trip, when Ridhima , Arun and I went to CP. After our regular round of the Inner Circle, we went to British Council coz the agenda of the trip was to get the membership of the British Council Library. On our way back to the Metro Station, joking and pulling legs, this was one of our normal outings when suddenly my right leg went down... into a mound of leaves. Instead of finding ground beneath it , it found a pit!!! Thank God, for Jeans and Sports shoes (which still bear the scars of the incident), the impact lessened. But, still I had to bear the pain and limped for about 3 weeks…..coz the stupid pit was actually an uncovered sever hole beautified naturally by fallen leaves. And, its edges had almost scratched my right leg ,from knee down.

And this incident was just the beginning, and for the last 3 .5 years everytime I go to CP, I get a new painful experience to add to my list – a twisted ankle, a fall, broken nail, and so on. So much happens in CP, each time I visit the place.

The latest in the series happened last weekend, this time I actually spent 5 hours there without any incident. And, thought that maybe I have finally broken the Jinx. Ah! my poor optimistic spirit was in for a shock. How? I was walking down the stairs of the Metro Station , wearing about 2-3 inch heels(do not question my heels) which were clicking loudly. I got distracted and started thinking how to walk in a manner that can reduce this noise. And Whoosh…..My cell phone in hand and my right foot lost its footing…. The saving grace was that I was holding railing that saved me from falling on my face. But impact when I stopped myself from actually falling caused severe jerk to right side. And it is still hurting. Plus, my ego went for a toss in front of all the people around.

Can someone please explain -  What has CP got against my right leg?

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Break Free

There are times when we all feel a little depressesd and low. When nothing goes right and everything is going the wrong way. I just penned down a few lines when I was in the most depressed mood. Just don't ask why.


Break Free

I feel so tied, shackled & deprived;
It's darkness all around,
Dark emotions are abound
Oh God! I'm becoming a freak,
Let me fly, I wanna Break Free!

Aspirations, Expectations, Targets,
Goals , Dreams & Focus all set;
Everything now feels like a trap,
Let me fly, I wanna Break Free!

I don't want this, but can't say NO
People around are changing my course;
It's a mad house, when will this cease,
Let me fly, I wanna Break Free!