The confused me

Over the last few months,
I wrote a lot of blogs.

Then discarded a few,
Hid some under the mat,
Bookmarked a couple and
Forgot about those left half written .

But when it came to posting even one,
I had my reasons for choosing none.

Either it was too personal
Or it lost the track.
I started to doubt each word,
And found the unseen cracks.

What have I done to myself,
As I pondered one fine day.

I see a new trait within me
And I don't like it at all.
It does not make me happy ,
I am confused a lot.

Am I craving for acceptance of my blogs,
Or just vary of expressing what I feel.
Somewhere along the journey,
The writer in me lost her zeal.

Dear me...help me find the lost part...
The happiness in writing
The complete blog...
The confused me is scratching her head...
Did I just write something sane
Or is it again mess?

Kamli

“Kamli” that’s what my nanu used to call me or calls me as my heart still refuses to accept that it will never happen again.

My nanaji , maternal grandfather or daddy as we call him,is/was one of the gentlest souls I have ever seen in my life. All he ever spread in his life is/was goodwill and blessings. It is because of the same that everyone who knew him smiles when they talk about him.

I have not been to his house since he left us, maybe that way a tiny part of my heart is keeping him alive for me. Maybe if I don’t go , he would call and say in his usual tone ‘ Kamli, kab aayegi?’ And I would give the same reply , “jaldi…dukh sukhh bantne.”

It’s not easy to accept that you will never call me again Daddy…

It’s not easy to accept that nobody will call me kamli again…

It’s not easy to accept that I will never see you again…

It’s not easy to accept that we will never see your innocent smiles…

It’s not easy to accept that you would never (fake)scold us for making ruckus at midnight..

In truth daddy it’s not easy to accept you are not there…

There will never be call when I would hear…”Kamli, kab aayegi?”

P.S – I went to his place …. Unable to accept he isn’t there…finally made some sort of peace with myself.

Though you will always be missed, though there always will be a place empty in the family photograph…but Daddy we will remember you with a smile because that’s what you gave all of us and keep in mind that you never held a grudge..so though I am upset with you for leaving us…no grudges…

Rest in Peace Daddy, your family is safe and blossoming in the blessings you send our way.

Kamli – an endearing way of calling a girl “slightly mad or carefree”.

Fasana

लफ्ज़ मेरे तू सुन न सका,

ख़ामोशी की ज़ुबान समझेगा क्या?

खुशियों का रिश्ता बनता हे वहां,

दर्द  की कहानी  छुपी  हो जहाँ।

तेरे इंतज़ार में गुज़र गया जो वक़्त,

तेरे आने पे मिल सकेगा क्या?

आया तेरा ख्याल क्यों मेरे सवालों में,

इस वाक्यें को भी बयां करते हैं । 

 

इक फ़साने में तेरा जिक्र आया था ,

वरना यकींन कर हम तुझे याद नहीं करते।

सीख लिया हैं इन आँखों ने अब,

तेरे नाम पे अब मुस्कुराना। 

 

I still love Maggi

The last few days have been very traumatic for me and scores of people like me. MAGGI was banned after a concentrated anti campaign by media, our health guardians - the ministers and the sudden influx of studies that show how harmful it is to eat Maggi. I was left shell shocked, that such a tasty lip smacking snack could be so dangerous that it was taken off the shelves in just a few days, my favourite yellow packet was no longer stacked in departmental stores and everybody around was trying to take the credit of saving us from this life threatening snack.

And here I was left wondering - How much lead do I have in my body due to eating Maggi?  Should I get myself tested ? Is my liver damaged? or Are there some problems with my nervous system? After all I have eaten this snack at home, up high in the chilly weather while trekking in mountains, in flights, in trains, at roadside vendors, had Maggi parties and so on...

Is Maggi even more harmful than Pan Masalas and bidis and cigarettes that are enjoying the flourishing sales at each nook and corner of the country by just displaying a non effective board - " Selling cigarette and tobacco to below a person 18years is a criminal offense". But then banning them was never supported, never even came into the preview of the money minded leaders - 

Then why did they attack my beloved Maggie?

We have read numerous reports of discos and pubs that serve alcohol to people under 25years in Delhi, which is a criminal offense and is supposed to be bad for the young body proven by studies conducted over years. Did they conduct such a study about ill affects of Maggi? If Not

- Then why did they defame my beloved Maggi?

Nestle became hoarse crying about the testing methods not being correct, but our country took it as a slight - O My god, you think we Indians are not competent enough? so let's get together to prove it. Would it have been so difficult to at least hear them out. Tomorrow if someone eats any Ready to Eat - packaged food raw and falls ill ...Will we ban all packaged food even though it was not consumed as per instructions? Are we becoming paranoid? Or will we do testing on the final product as Nestle is asking for? If not

- Then why did they ban my beloved Maggi?

P.S : I am not related to Nestle - but just an ardent lover of Maggi, like million other Indians who are, waiting for this hoopla to settle down so that I can again enjoy Maggi because I still love Maggi.

Dear Leaders, do ban Maggi if it is bad for health but do not apply double standards , please ban other harmful products also, if you care about the health of the people of India.

Words don't come to me...

 They jump around, leap and bound

I keep telling them, to hop a bit less,

Words don't come to me

My head is in a mess.

Now here, now there, no control anywhere,

These haywire thoughts are increasing my stress,

Words don't come to me

My head is in a mess.

Gone is the time, when with ease I could write,

Now even a line is a struggle, no matter how hard I press,

Words don't come to me

My head is in a mess.

What will become of me, filled with these half formed ideas,

Maybe I don't even want to guess,

Words don't come to me

My head is in a mess.

A topic abandoned , a line half written,

There drowns my dream, of becoming an authoress,

Words don't come to me

My head is in a mess.