I met Ridhima and Madhur yesterday over a cup of coffee. She gave me two beautiful metal bookmarks bought from Kala Ghoda Arts festival, Mumbai. Why am I telling you all this…coz it triggered a memory – the story of a girl I knew years ago - the main lead of this post…won’t name her, she wouldn’t appreciate.
She has bookmarked this page of her life diary not that she writes one.
She had just turned thirteen when she saw him for the first time. They were of the same age but opposite in all other ways. She was big city gal and he was from a small town, she was full of mischief and he was the silent types. She looked forward to fights and he would be a calm oasis in the chaos she brought. She was a tomboy and he preferred feminine gals. There was no way two of them could have a story but fate brought them together. He lived across the road from her grandma’s home where she went during holidays. Bundle of energy that she was, she would collect her army of cousins and be out to play every moment of the day. One such day brought him out to see what ruckus was being created in the otherwise quiet street.
She had just turned thirteen when she saw him for the first time. They were of the same age but opposite in all other ways. She was big city gal and he was from a small town, she was full of mischief and he was the silent types. She looked forward to fights and he would be a calm oasis in the chaos she brought. She was a tomboy and he preferred feminine gals. There was no way two of them could have a story but fate brought them together. He lived across the road from her grandma’s home where she went during holidays. Bundle of energy that she was, she would collect her army of cousins and be out to play every moment of the day. One such day brought him out to see what ruckus was being created in the otherwise quiet street.
As opposites attract, soon he joined her army with his gang of friends. This began a relationship where she would challenge him at every bend, but he would not respond. This irritated her to no end. Why did she want him to see her differently from other guys? Why did she feel like behaving a little girlish around him? Oh, she went through a thoroughly confusing time. She remained a tomboy at her hometown, the guys there didn’t attract her, a part of her remained in that small town and she looked forward to her holiday sojourns.
She wanted him to look at her….and he would. They shared long talks though now she can’t recollect what all they said. He had his own ways of taking care of her, not coming in the limelight but ensuring that she was safe from danger. This was a care she felt but never saw him doing so, and she realised it very late that feelings are like fragrance in the air - felt but not seen. It was a strange attraction, which they both felt but no one spoke aloud. She left no chance to provoke him and pick up a fight….he would gently respond – "I don’t fight with girls". This was an alien territory for her. One day her army and his gang fought breaking the group, she didn’t know how to resolve the tension and he sided with his friends. He approached her army later for reconciliation but it acted pricey(Uff...she came to know it too late). They still looked secretly at each other, each wishing other would heal the rift. Both lacked the courage to come out and speak their feelings(Was it ego or fear of rejection?).
It took four years for the group to resolve the fight, everyone become friends again but those two- they didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore. She had dreamt about him everyday and compared him to all the guys she had met.She had created a life in her dreams, with him, and didn’t know how to respond to the reality. Maybe, he had done the same, coz their faces became mirrors and each understood the other, this time without words.
It took four years for the group to resolve the fight, everyone become friends again but those two- they didn’t know how to talk to each other anymore. She had dreamt about him everyday and compared him to all the guys she had met.She had created a life in her dreams, with him, and didn’t know how to respond to the reality. Maybe, he had done the same, coz their faces became mirrors and each understood the other, this time without words.
The school days ended and they both entered college. She came to know that he was in her city. She found out his college and was planning to visit but received a blowing news, he already had someone. It hurt her to no end, and stopped her flying wings. Another year went by and her grandma shifted to her city , she saw him for the last time at a distance, he was looking at her, both took a step forward and then stopped, maybe each wanted other to take the second. This is her last memory of him.
Years later she mourns - Maybe I should have talked to him, maybe he should have approached. Had he really found someone or did I pick up the straw because I was afraid of rejection? She told me, had he just asked me once – I would have shifted to that small town for him .Yet another silent love story or just a deep attraction , she still isn’t sure but even now when she talks of him , her face lights up with a gentle loving smile.
"The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end." - Disraeli.
A part of her still lives in this ignorance and it keeps her happy …who am I to complain?
2 comments:
This is my 1st comment.. but i alwz read all ur posts nd after reading tht eagerly wait for the next.. osum writing
Thanks Shama....
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